Ever since the big thing happened to me in my childhood I have had these times where I wanted to be dead. That the world around me was to black to survive in. That nothing in life brought me joy. Even looking at someone having fun made me sink deeper into a depression.

Especially when my mum died when I was 15, my world turned black.

I remember this all because I have my death wish back this week.

I want to share with you why this doesn’t freak me out anymore and how I cope with it.

Nowadays there is a lot of suicide awareness going on.

I knew when I was in my teenage years that it was not done to tell someone that you had a death wish.

When you talked to someone they would send you to a psychiatrist or give you Prozac medication.

You were the outcast and something was really badly wrong with you.

I soon learned not to talk about it because I freaked people out. So I kept it to myself.

Now I know I can receive blocks of thoughts from other people and animals. This is why I have a death wish this week.

My lovely little Frenchie Ollie is not feeling well and I can hear her saying to me if this pain isn’t leaving I want to be in heaven.

Same thing happened in April when we had to let go of our Bullmastiff Drago.

I had the death wish thoughts in my head for quite some weeks then.

But the death wish I had during my teenage years was my own thought.

I asked my Higher self Sandhya about it and this is what she told me;

“You are receiving this thought but you are not translating it right. I can feel that you are feeling doom, devastation and fear. You are desperate to find relief from those feelings. This is why you desire being in a better feeling place. Your brain connected this to being in heaven, with your mum. Because you can feel she is in a better place. Let me translate the wanting to feel relief for you. I want to be death is the thought you keep hearing. It is no more or less than a cry for relief. Just ask for relief. Ask for balance. I will help you balance.

Tell the people that are reading your story that this is what the teenagers that have a death wish actually want. They want to feel relief from their darkness. They don’t want people to be scared because of their death wish. So they don’t tell and keep it inside until they finally actually do kill themselves. Start sharing your story to the world Margarita. Hold the children that are feeling darkness inside in your soul. Talk to their parents and the people that worry about them that there is always hope. You are the hope. Start telling your story love. I love you so much!”

So here it is, my story. I know there are so many people feeling darkness inside. The death wish I felt was no more then a cry for relief from the darkness. I decided to heal that in me and it did. I am free now to tell you the truth. I love you!

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